I feel gratitude for the last few days and that's a nice improvement. Depression robs gratitude when your head feels on fire, full of intrusive thoughts and negative loops. But I am starting to feel more solid ground underneath my soles.
I can tell this when I remember to spot the little things. Like the daffodils bursting into golden light in the park next door. Like the dark evenings loosing their icy grip on the light. Travelling to and from work each day in the bright is a simple pleasure. And when my motorbike accidentally drifts into a bus or cycle lane it shortens the journey. I suppose travelling lightly among rush hour traffic is symbolic of clearing your mind of negativity. And I will eat happily at that table.
I have so much to be grateful for. A wonderful wife and family, wise old friends, physical health, a job to go out to. Yes my illness acts like black sunglasses some days so the light struggles to get in. I do understand when those around us struggle to comprehend why on our dark days we seem unable to show or feel gratitude. I get it.
I do prefer though when it doesn't lead to you being told a story about something worse that has happened to someone in the 'real' world. It might be physical ill-health or financial worries. But I cannot feel any better because someone else is suffering. For me that is sadness and difficulty multiplying out to hurt more people. It's no consolation to any of us.
But as the topic suggests, my mood has been helped hugely by becoming involved as an ambassador with See Change. See Change is an alliance of organisations working together to bring about positive change in public attitudes and behaviour towards people with mental health problems. Stigma fighters. See www.seechange.ie
I feel priviliged to join their team to help out. It's going to take years to reduce the stigma out there. Did you know for example that 40% of Irish people question whether a person who has had a mental health illness is suitable to be a parent. I am a proud parent of two great people. And 50% wonder if we are capable of regular employment? I wonder are they the 50% who house some of the bullies and bluffers out there who think little of inflicting pain on others?
I wrote a song this week that captures my own belief about our health. When things are at their darkest always remember that the light must come again. So hang in. We all need to keep on keeping on.
https://soundcloud.com/macmurphy-1/keep-on-keeping-on …
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